Second Opinion - The Usual Suspects

With a tear in his eye, EoR watched the final episode of Second Opinion. It was just like Old Folks Week, with returning guest stars, and a sentimental homage in the final minutes consisting of highlights from previous programs. And all the therapies featured this week were manipulative (in at least one sense of the word). Life will never be the same again.

Thankfully, Aleisha returned this week in order to roadtest Rolfing. Rolfing structurally aligns the whole body with gravity, which improves energy and allows the body to spontaneously heal itself. Is this sounding familiar? Does it sound like every other therapy? Rolfing, however, uses a "variety of techniques" (EoR isn't quite sure which, since it was never stated, but did notice diagrams of Trigger Points hanging on the practitioner's walls) which get fascia "to change in some way". Aleisha, to everyone's surprise, felt more invigorated and energised at the end.

Chiropracty was used to heal a Down Syndrome patient who had fractured his tibia and fibula in a traffic accident four years previously. The chiropracter diagnosed compression fractures of the L1 and L2 vertebrae which had not been found four years earlier. He then manipulated the patient, including using a bizarre "toggle machine" (EoR thinks that was the name, but maybe he said "Magic Woo Machine") which the patient's head rested on, and which seemed to be a simple spring mechanism so that when the head was pressed down against it, it sprang back. As a result of this, the patient's sleeping, walking, language skills and social interaction have all improved way beyond expectations. No other therapies or social skills training that the patient may have been undertaking were mentioned.

During the in-studio discussion about the therapy, the chiropracter (actually his friend, since the real chiropracter was on an overseas jaunt) and the Tame GP metaphorically backslapped each other and spouted hearty congratulations.

Last, and least, was the long awaited return of Second Opinion's ponytailed poster boy, Tony Kew, a practitioner of his self-created Integrated Body Tuning. In this miracle cure he treated a sportsman suffering osteitis pubis which regular treatment had failed to cure.

Mr Kew diagnosed that the problem was caused by upper foot, ankle and lower leg misalignment which were affecting the femur/hip joint which, in turn, was causing the groin pain. In fact, according to the Wisdom of Kew, "more often than not" pain originates from different areas than where it is felt. 90% of lower back pain is because of problems below the knees. Headaches and neck pain are caused by problems in the wrists.

Mr Kew promised to effect his miracle in only three treatments. Even though he had already diagnosed the problem in the lower leg, he also spent time manipulating the patients arms, back, shoulders, head, legs, groin, etc etc. The cure was effected (though we don't know how many sessions it took). The patient who wasn't playing any sport (and hence, presumably, resting) was now back in full action. No mention was made of the effect of the period of rest, nor whether he was on other therapies or medication (do you notice a pattern here?). IBT costs $A50 to $A150 per session.

And so EoR bids a fond farewell to Second Opinion as it slowly sinks in the West, in the ratings and in the ABC's schedule...