Sunday, April 02, 2006

Surrealistic Extravaganza

Insolitology recently featured RV Science.

The site, and its many subdomains, is an absolute hoot. Paranoid psychic stoner ramblings of the first order. EoR felt like he should be listening to Hawkwind's Space Ritual and smoking naughty cigarettes while browsing these pages. And there are so many. So so many. Madness takes its toll. Just click randomly (after all, the thoughts expressed therein all seem random) and you're sure a gem (literally: apart from the lunacy the main purpose of the sites seems to be to sell "psychic" crystals at huge prices).

From EoR's own explorations:

Psychic Warrior Shaman
Tim Rifat is the world's leading expert on matters Psychic, regularly predicting major government plans in advance of their release or instigation [...] Since the dark energy matter parasite that latches onto your mind is energy it can be drained, shredded or expelled. The 7 Psychotronic Crystals (PCs) do this by blocking all 7 dark energy matter dimensions simultaneously and sucking your personal dark energy matter parasite into a dark energy matter black hole so it's load of light energy matter can be passed to you. This frees your Awareness to begin exploration of Psi-Space. It also supplies you with a way of producing psychotronic Fuel (PF) to power your Awareness's journey into Psi-Space. [...] The Psychic Warrior Shaman is now ready to manipulate the Earth energies, the most powerful aspect of old/ancient Shamanism. The Six Grail BPCs/PCs manipulate the dragon Earth, tellunic, ley: energies. With the use of the Grail Stones the Psychic Warrior Shaman begins to drain the Earth energies in his/her city that sustain the Matrices of the: ADR: Matrix: Over-Matrix. As more Earth energy is take out of the Matrix Grid the city becomes a hole in the Archon's Matrix enabling the Psychic Warrior Shaman to step out of the Matrix at will or slip non Matrix energies, powers...

Psi-Lord Tim Rifat (how's that for modesty?)
The key powers of a Psi-Lord are complete control of the binding force that agglutinates energy filaments of the megaverse into seperate energy bodies, defining them as bubbles of infolded filaments. [...] Since all humans are zombies controlled by dark energy/matter archons, the Psi-Adept is faced with a totally hostile environment. [...] The energy centres on the midsection left side for Lucid Viewing, right for Lucid Dreaming can then be super-energised for shifts of the assemblage point using the Power Ring PCs or moreover using the Simarillion Power Orbs. [...] I have found biophysical augmented intelligences (BAIs) very useful as Psi helpers. These are made from your own micro-organisms. My RS and RV Courses (advanced) show how to utilise these BAIs for defense and offense. The same organisms that kill us can be tuned to help us so our physical bodies become immune to pathogens, a useful strategy in the time of bird flu....

RV Science
Tim Rifat is Europe's leading expert on remote viewing, psychic spying and Psi-warfare. As the only independent scientist in the field, he has had numerous articles already published, in Nexus Magazine, Alien Encounters, the X Factor...

Psychic Power Sex
Psychic Power Sex Crystals and other aids use the hollow cavity of inanimate objects to store sexual energy which has been inputted by turning the crystal into a PC using 4th dimensional klin bottle technology derived from Lucid Viewing the far future; and from Lucid Viewing the far past to explore alchemical marriages, grayal states and the fusion of male/female and all male/male female/female energies to produce more sexual energy than was there before the union.

Sex Engine
Having had Psi-sex with non human Blue Pulsar Princesses I can attest it is real and much more intense than human sex, one can even have children with the Pulsar Beings if one has a huge energy body able to withstand being expanded to 7 dimensions to enter their realm. [...] The Sex Engine consists of a Fate Engine coupled to a very exotic type of Bad Luck-Good Luck Engine. The first Fate Engine is a Kline Simulacra BPC/PC consisting of two quantum entangled Kline simulacra PG designed to psychokinetically bring about one event: your ultimate sexual partner brought to your Psi-space for sex, a simple A to B event. [...] The Zionist Illuminati have created psychic lifeforms called Golems to act as servitors, psychic servants to carry out their will; black magic that has made the Zionist Illuminati owners of the West. [...] Israel intelligence uses these Golems to psychically attack arabs and keep the West in line, the Zionist Illuminati use them as their personal demons to use to keep politicians in line and remotely influence enemies to destroy themselves.

Unfortunately, someone else seems to have "stolen" his technology:
All customers who have purchased products from RV Magic owned by Paul Hughes Barlow should be aware that he has been counterfeiting my products, as he was advertising I manufactured crystals for RV Magic which was false. Anyone having RV Magic crystals should be aware that their use with my protocols reverses their effects - you have been warned. I have received numerous reports of counterfeit crystals and psychotronic products causing illness, mental problems, possession and catastrophic bad luck. If you have bought any of these dangerous counterfeit items off conmen, please destroy and be sure to bury the remnants in running water or salt lined pits in the soil.

Mr Rifat, not being a conman of any kind, but rather a scientist published in all the big name scientific journals, and a philanthropic sort to boot, offers remedies for these soul destroying counterfeits at only $80 (what exactly do you call a counterfeit of a fake object anyway? now that's an idea Philip K Dick loved).

This is brilliant stuff. This guy must have spent hours writing what can only be described as the internet equivalent of Kurt Schwitter's Ur Sonata. This is performance art of the highest order. And as meaningless.

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