The Voices Told Me to Buy This

The ideal Christmas present: a Ouija Board. Ask it profound questions like What college will accept me? Probably none, unless it's Hogwarts. Anyway, it's the gift giving season, and a Ouija Board is an ideal way of saying "I'm weird".

If you're too cheap to shell out real money for real magic, Office Diversions provide an online Ouija Board. Like all good mystical realities, it Will Reveal All

Note: This may take repeated attempts, but you must have Faith and Trust in the Power of the Ouija.