Sunday, December 11, 2005


Imported from Japan Footsies are innovative and powerful foot patches containing all natural ingredients developed from years of medical research in Japan. By stimulating the reflexology points and the blood circulation the Footsies program comprises one of the most proactive and convenient ways to remove toxins and heavy metals.

Apparently these are patches that are applied to the feet and cure all sorts of evils and maladies. You can choose from Tranquility ("Containing 50% tourmaline, a gem stone legendary for being able to emit far infrared rays and negative ions" - 50%? Wouldn't that be painful to walk on?), Stimulate ("containing red pepper for extra strength") or Allergy Free ("great for vegans" - what? are you supposed to eat them?). Incidentally, EoR wonders why they have names like condoms.

Now, as we all know, reflexology postulates that tickling the feet will resolve all your health issues. The foot diagram on this page amused EoR greatly. As hard as he tried, he just couldn't see a reflexology point for the feet. What a serious ommission. Though, of course, the eyes are represented. Which, as iridology informs us, represent all the parts of the body. Including the feet. Which, as reflexology informs us, represent all the parts of the body (excluding the feet) including the eyes. Which... EoR sucumbs to a recursive dimensional trap.

But thoughts can cause disease as well:
Negative emotions such as anxiety, grief, fear and worry - wide spread in modern society - will cause negative repercussions.

People in the squalour of the middle ages, people in famine affected Africa, or those in hunter-gatherer societies who are always looking for the next meal never experience "anxiety, grief, fear and worry." No. They're all happy Edenic primitives living in a state of bliss.

And even though
The reflexology doesn’t heal

(yes! honestly! they really put that on their website!)
The maintenance program (using Footsies once or twice a week) can assist the body in maintaining a balanced state and prevent the possibility of slight imbalances becoming troublesome.

So, this is bullshit. It doesn't work. But buy our product. Twice a week. For the rest of your life. Please. We need the money. Where would we be without newage suckers like you?

But who is EoR to deny the scientific proof (we all know hair analysis is the cutting edge in scientific testing - quite apart from the fact that the testing seems to have been done with an entirely different product), including brain wave images? Sadly "scientific proof" does not include any detailed studies, peer-reviewed publications, or anything that couldn't be classed as irrelvancies, advertising and misinformation. The suckers should love it.

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