Thursday, December 15, 2005

Burns as Therapy

Eden Light Retreat (that's 'retreat' as in 'retreat from logic and reason') offers Hot Stone Therapy.
Hot Stone Therapy is a fusion of Eastern and Western philosophies that combines ancient healing practices with modern therapies to create truly unique Spa Treatments. The Hot Stones used in our treatments are volcanic in origin and are composed of a unique blend of basalt, igneous rock, feldspar and dacite, all containing ferro-magnesium minerals

Far from being unique, EoR thinks this is the same old same old.
When placed on the body, the stones transmit energy that assists in the removal of blockages, the dissolution of stress, and the re-allocation of energies to balance over-stimulated areas and re-energise depleted ones. [...] There will be many reasons that people are drawn to Hot Stone treatments. For some it will be the treatments’ scientific foundations and all the physical benefits that they have to offer. For others, it will be all the profound metaphysical and spiritual possibilities that they can bring.

Various ways of sticking hot stones on tender flesh are offered, all, presumably, based on 'scientific foundations' to stimulate and address bad energy in different configurations, and force it into acquiescing into becoming nice energy. For example:
Earth Mantle $A145 The name of this treatment was inspired by the principal technique used in the treatment, the placement of hot volcanic rocks along the spine, which creates the sensation of a warm and comforting cloak. This treatment concentrates on the back of the body. It consists of the placement of Hot volcanic rocks along the spine and a massage of the back of the legs using hot Working stones. This is followed by a "Bacial" (facial for the back) which includes a deep cleanse and exfoliation with a salt and pumice scrub, followed by a clay mask infused with special oils to assist in removing impurities, rebalancing and rejuvenating the skin.

EoR is convinced that sticking burning stones on the body would, indeed, result in the transfer of energy, but whether it would remove 'impurities' or 'rebalance' anything he is, sadly, disbelieving.

While you're recovering from your third degree burns, you might like to engage in some other forms of healing (try them all, one of them might work - or at least coincide with some placebo effect): reiki (the classic non-invasive, gentle, healing crock of shit practiced by the delusional for the benefit of the deluded), spiritual healing (maybe EoR could just send along his spirit body and ask for a discount?), ear candling (what is it with these people and burning their victims? were they members of the Spanish Inquisition in a past life?) and dietary consultation (by a qualified dietition? or is it someone who tells you to avoid gluten and take more 'natural' and 'chemical free' supplements?).

One of the people behind this is Jacqueline Zoller who, while offering counselling (albeit 'spiritual' counselling) appears to have no qualification or certification to do so other than being "an accredited clinical Hypnotherapist". Oh, and "a Traditional Reiki Master and Spiritual Healer" and "a Spiritual guide and teacher". I bet she's even got the pieces of paper to prove it.

Of course, such 'unique' therapies (EoR may be a little slow, but he can't see how someone who offers exactly the same witchery as thousands of others can be even a little bit 'unique') don't come at a price. No. It's an investment.

EoR might try it one day. At least it might be nice to spend some time in the bush. Except for the noise of all the quacking.

1 comment:

  1. My iron contains ferro-magnesium minerals. Would that do?


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