Take a Drop of Sunshine. Add a Pinch of Antimatter. Shake Well. Apply to Brain.

Via a posting on the Bad Science Forum EoR was led to a site detailing various homeopathic 'provings' (while the site doesn't put 'provings' in quotes, EoR is forced to since the use of 'provings' on the site is so deranged it has nothing to do with the root word 'proof' at all).

If anything, this site shows that there is no difference between 'homeopathy' and 'satire'.

EoR believed that a primary principle of homeopathy is that a substance which produces symptoms similar to the illness is used (though diluted so that it no longer exists) to cure the illness, but what sort of symptoms do falcons, condoms or antimatter cause? Well, presumably antimatter in sufficient quantities might cause a severe case of death.

Falcon feathers and blood were so effective, that

the first proving, [...] the patient subsequently benefited from the dose: she lost her fear, her sense of disempowerment, quit her stifling job and is currently living in her beloved Scotland where she can roam free, making her peregrinations

'Peregrinations'! Peregine falcon! Get it? Homeopaths with a sense of humour! Further claims are made that, even if you don't take the magic cure but are near someone who does, you can still be cured via the 'psychic field effect'. Why do homeopaths ever bother giving individualised prescriptions? The 'psychic field effect' should just transfer every homeopathic remedy in existence all around the world (indeed, the universe) and cure everyone of everything. Hence, illness and suffering no longer exist.

Condom Therapy is even more bizarre. The first sentence is like a acid-inspired haiku:

In a bubble not connecting, therefore uninhibited working without respite, restlessness separation from danger, therefore recklessness.

EoR is convinced this means something but he's not sure what. He is delighted to know, however, that homeopaths are at the cutting edge of disease research:

My work on the AIDS Nosode and other provings had led me to an interest in the concept of an AIDS Miasm.

As opposed to a Brain 'Miasm' which all homeopathic remedies seem to engender.

To create this powerful remedy

A grain of latex from a non spermicidal condom that had been cleaned of any traces of lubricant was cut into small pieces and triturated in a porcelain pestle and mortar with milk sugar.

These are powerful forces being toyed with here:

Within 5 minutes of beginning the trituration it was announced that the first air strikes had been made against Afghanistan.

Does this mean we can lay the blame for tsunamis, earthquakes, wars and various other disasters firmly at the feet of homeopaths? Surely the value of one condom is far outweighed by the deaths from the air strikes? Shouldn't homeopaths be jailed then as evil criminals?

But worse was to come:

I was hot and perspiring. Trembling.
The substance was hard and stubborn and my reaction was of a similar quality.
Felt a tendency to become obsessive/compulsive as I worked at the trituration.
The smell was nauseating, this went right on into the 3c trituration.
I was belching and felt nauseous, almost, but not quite to the point, of vomiting.
I had a sick head ache.
Felt that the skin on my head was tightening.
Heat in the forehead.
Felt rushed and hurried, carried away with the process.
Became aggressive and violent.
Felt so sick that I had to take two long breaks in the process.
Was clumsy and dropped and smashed things.

Homeopaths having 'hard and stubbon' reactions? Sounds familiar to EoR. Though it usually happens everytime another study finds homeopathy has exactly no effect.

Now antimatter is something EoR can accept as a universal cure.

In the autumn of 1997, while facilitating a clinical workshop in San Diego for North American students of the School of Homeopathy, I was approached by Chris Kurtz, then on our distance learning programme and just completing his PhD at the University of San Diego, offering to bring me a vial containing anti-matter. "You cannot be serious!" I exclaimed. "Quite serious." he retorted, proceeding to edify me. Naturally, I said, "Yes."

As would EoR! Rather than a vial he'd prefer it to be contained in a magnetic bottle. But what exactly is 'positronium'?

About positronium: it is formed of a positron (anti-electron) and an electron in mutual orbit; it is structured in a similar way to hydrogen, however it has almost no mass. It has been suggested that at the beginning of time the universe was largely, though momentarily composed of positrons and electrons, of positronium. It is the precursor of the hydrogen atom. Naturally, this atomic configuration is only semi-stable. In the first micro-seconds of the universe, as now, its components, electron and anti-electron annihilate each other when they get too close, when the molecule collapses. This annihilation results in a 'flash' of electromagnetic radiation. Since positronium is made up of both particle and anti-particle, it assumes a position mid way between matter and anti-matter. When it decays, it is converted into a pulse of pure energy.

Gamma radiation actually. Though EoR is pleased that homeopaths are easily doing what physicists go to great lengths to achieve.

Hell, homeopaths are so magic and in control of such amazing forces, they can carry it around in a vial. When diluted to homeopathic levels, it can even erase video tapes!

As a latter prover delved into her sensations of contraction, as if squeezed into impossible denseness accompanied by a sense of having touched pure evil, the video tape image blanked out entirely. [...] I marvelled at the phenomenon of the intense psychic field which the recounting of the proving had generated interfering with the electronics or the tape in the camcorder.

EoR marvels as well. He's just amazed that these magic phyicists can obtain their substance, dilute it, succuse it, and disseminate it all in less than 10^-10 seconds before the particles annihilate. They're certainly fast workers.

EoR is also deeply concerned at the huge amount of really bad poetry all these homeopathic tinctures drive the partakers to pen.

In summary, EoR can do no better than quote from the site itself:

In short a veritable dogs dinner of homeopathic delights!

PS: Why dont psychics wear condoms?
They have crystal balls so they can see themselves coming.