"The dolphins were incapable of recognizing and repeating simple gestures," said study co-author Dr. Scott Lindell. "Their non-verbal communications were limited to a rapid constriction and expansion of the blowhole, various incomprehensible fin motions, and heavy tremors while they lay prone on the lab table."
Well, EoR doesn't know if The Onion is psychic or not, but those findings have been confirmed (also reported here and here).
Dolphins may have big brains, but a South African-based scientist says lab rats and even goldfish can outwit them. Paul Manger of Johannesburg's University of the Witwatersrand says the super-sized brains of dolphins, whales and porpoises are a function of being warm-blooded in a cold water environment and not a sign of intelligence. "We equate our big brain with intelligence. Over the years we have looked at these kinds of things and said the dolphins must be intelligent," he said. "The real flaw in this logic is that it suggests all brains are built the same ... When you look at the structure of the dolphin brain you see it is not built for complex information processing," he told Reuters in an interview. A neuroethologist who looks at brain evolution, Manger's views are sure to cause a stir among a public which has long associated dolphins with intelligence, emotion and other humanlike qualities. They are widely regarded as one of the smartest mammals. But Manger, whose peer-reviewed research on the subject has been published in Biological Reviews of the Cambridge Philosophical Society, says the reality is different. Brains, he says, are made of neurons and glia. The latter create the environment for the neurons to work properly and producing heat is one of glia's functions. "Dolphins have a super-abundance of glia and very few neurons ... The dolphin's brain is not made for information processing - it is designed to counter the thermal challenges of being a mammal in water," Manger said.
EoR wonders how the alties will cope with this shocking news. Will Dolphins and Whales: Gateways to Healing have to become Goldfish and Rats: Gateways to Healing? It wouldn't take much rewriting, and would be just as meaningless:
As people learn to merge their individual energy fields and atomic structure with the harmonic frequencies of the goldfish and rat sounds, they meet and master new aspects of human consciousness and life force. As the goldfish teach, it is by activating and aligning their golden, spiraling, inner spheres of energy with the Universal Rhythms of Life that allows humans to traverse new realms of consciousness, well being and cooperation with each other and all forms of life.
Will Dolphin Brain Repattering (sic) have to be renamed Goldfish Brain Repattering? That too would only require minimal rewriting (EoR has maintained the idiosyncratic spelling and grammar):
Goldfish Brain Repattering was originally founded by Moshe Feldenkrais, and was greatly expanded by the Pleiadians. It was originally called Neuro-Muscular-Cortical repattering. This of course refers to anything that has refference to neurological, muscular body, and the nervious system. The main focus is on the cortex of the brain. Our body systems are in constant communiction with each other and this determines a persons over all health. The main objective of goldfishe brain repattering is to free the skeletal system of holding patterns that inhibit you from being spontaneous and free. Also this allows Cerebrospinal fluid.that in made in the brain. To flow through out your nervious system. To allow you to enhance the electrical stimuli of your brain.
And Dolphin Trilogy Reiki could easily become Goldfish Trilogy Reiki:
Experience the love and wisdom of the Goldfish through Goldfish Trilogy Reiki. This system of natural healing calls upon the love and energy of our beloved Goldfish community to heal the mind and the spirit. It is especially effective in helping with emotional problems, addictions, depression, and those looking to remember their Sacred Song.