Animal Communicators - The Last Gasp

EoR promises that this is the last entry on the Wonderful World of Animal Communicators (at least for a while).

While all the communicators have wonderful testimonials on their sites, what happens when someone without a vested interest uses their services?

The Washington Times sent their reporter to chat with Sonya Fitzpatrick.

Prior to the interview, religion reporter Julia Duin e-mailed a brief biography and a photo of her cat, Serenity, per Mrs. Fitzpatrick's request. Mrs. Fitzpatrick and Miss Duin discussed Serenity's problems for roughly half an hour. Miss Duin was frustrated because Serenity had several behavioral problems: gnawing her stomach, not using the litter box and vomiting all over the house.

Why does an animal communicator need a biography of the owner? Doesn't the animal already know all that? The only person who possibly wouldn't have that information would be the communicator. And the only reason for asking would be because she was getting nothing from the animal. Surely not! Shysters wouldn't sink this low! Would they?

After providing all that information about herself and her cat's problems, Miss Duin was informed

"She knows she's a problem. She knows she's disrupting your household. She knows she takes a lot of understanding."

Profound. Very deep. Very unexpected. Miss Duin was told to send mental pictures to her cat of the cat using the kitty litter box to train it.

But that was as far as the interview progressed before both parties became frustrated with the other. Miss Duin was resistant to the idea of animal communication, Mrs. Fitzpatrick said, and was difficult to work with.

EoR asks again, What has the owner got to do with it? The communicator alleges that they're chatting to the animal, not the owner. Oh, hang on, it's the owner giving them all the information they regurgitate back.

At first, Miss Duin said she was interested in Mrs. Fitzpatrick's counsel, but then Mrs. Fitzpatrick's advice became repetitive. "Most of the stuff she said, you could have deduced from [the bio] I sent," Miss Duin said.

In Iowa, the Des Moines Register chatted to Shirley Bice about a urinating cat (and from EoR's trawling of the animal communication sites, the big two issues are dead or dying pets, and urinating cats). Ms Bice might be worth consulting just for her methods: she crawled around the floor for an hour following the cat and taking notes. Her advice apparently consisted of admonishing the cat for its bad toilet habits.

In the case of Reggie the cat, Clark said he had never talked to a veterinarian about Reggie's predawn fake coughing fits or feline hygiene faux pas because he figured they were behavior problems. He had been following the vets' advice about frequently scooping the litter box to encourage Reggie to use it, and it seemed to be working by the time Bice came to visit.

So the veterinary solution seemed to work (even before the animal communicator intervention), while the animal communicator seems primed for a comedy career.

Also consulted was Karen Craft (and note, in passing, yet another animal communicator who also practices reiki - two fake delusions for the price of one). And a vet who, sadly, regularly refers clients to one or other of the two.

Ilana Reisner, a Ph.D. in veterinary medicine, assistant professor and the director of the animal behavior clinic at the University of Pennsylvania, cautioned that pet owners should consult with veterinarians first if they want to consult with an animal communicator. There is presently no system of quality control in this field.

EoR would venture to suggest that quality control is not needed, since they're all a crock of the same shit and unable to get much lower (except for the crawling Ms Bice).