EoR Ponders

A common rhetorical question from the creationist movement supporters is "If man evolved from monkeys, how come there are still monkeys?". Another common retort from them is "Evilution teaches man evolved from mud". Which of course begs the question, "If man evolved from mud, why is there still mud?". Or, to put it another way, "If man was created by god, why is god still around?".

EoR's Starsign is Star Trek

The World Today on ABC radio reported yesterday on a new study that disproved astrology. Yes, I'm sure you, just like EoR, is shocked and appalled at such a finding.

EoR hasn't gone looking for the study yet (in which, reportedly, 15,000 cases showed not one correlation to personality or intelligence - apparently not even a random correlation - but then reporters tend to simplify, exaggerate and misrepresent scientific studies) but the report itself makes amusing reading.

The reporter begins by arguing that astrology has come a long way since the, unspecified, days of sun worship. As an example of this "progress" a recording from a phone-in astrology service is given:

For a recommendation of the best numbers to play in the next lottery draw, press nine.

Of course, astrology hasn't progressed at all, apart from the occasional fumbling in the darkness as astrologers run around like headless chickens every century or so when a new planet is discovered.

But astrologers say they're used to every jibe in the book, and the new scientific study debunking their craft is telling them nothing they didn't already know.

What? You mean astrologers have known all along that they've been promoting bullshit? Surely not? Brian Clark, from something called the Chiron Centre (presumably a think tank and research centre of some sort) provides the astrologer's defence:

With another study coming out it's like reinventing the wheel and probably astrologers would just go: "Ho hum."

Which, presumably, either means astrologers do already know that it's all bullshit, or they're just not interested in evidence and reason. Of course, a third option is that both answers are true.

Mr Clark then goes into some amazing verbal gymnastics to claim astrology as both a science and something else:

Well, there is a scientific basis. But you talked about scientific proof, which I think is different than a scientific basis. Because what happens is we deal with a scientific basis, but then there is an imagination applied to it. So, you know, in some way what you could say it's more of an intuitive science based on reason. It's not necessarily a rational science.

Yes, EoR thinks those statements are rambling as well. To summarise: astrology is a science that has no proof; it's an imaginary story based on a scientific basis; oh, and it's not rational. Well, there's nothing there that EoR would disagree with to any great extent. Except he'd just give it the simpler term science fiction.

33rd Skeptics' Circle

The eponymous 33rd Skeptics' Circle is now available for perusal at Science and Politics. If you read nothing else from the riches on offer, look at Consegrity® to see not just how loopy and deranged newage healers are, but how deeply dangerous and full of frothing invective they can become.

The next Skeptics' Circle will be hosted in one of the least muddy corners of Eor's home on 11th May. Please send your skeptical submissions to EoRs.gloomy.place@gmail.com.

EoR Seeks A Totem Animal

Which Totem Animal are you? Could you be the Hermit Crab, who's "Wisdom" includes

Ability to store water energy
Comfort in darkness

or the Hoopoe, which teaches us all such essential living skills as

how to use odor as defense
The value of tunneling as a means of escape

or the Hyena which, in these times of possible flu pandemics,

Understands how to control epidemics

Perhaps your totem animal is the god-like Orca,

Having the ability to convert raw matter into stars, planets, etc.

If you happen to be Pharyngula, your special Octopus/Squid skills are

Intelligence
Moving rapidly away from danger when needed
Proper use of smoke screens (ink) in evading enemies
Destroying negative barriers

The Joy of Googling

EoR's favourite recent search strings that led people to his site:

qigong spanking treatments

homepathic [sic] medicine penis enlargement

Apart from the fact that EoR can't remember blogging on those particular topics (though he just might consider a future posting), he wonders whether the "homepathic" medicine works by ingestion or by direct application and rubbing it in?

What is Truth?

To continue the philosophical tone for a little longer...

The Philosopher's Zone covered the subject of Truth recently, and makes interesting comparison with Nova Magazine's recent treatment of the same subject.

The program starts out by trying to define truth (making the observation along the way that some think that a philosopher who isn't interested in truth is like a doctor who isn't interested in health - note: 'doctor', not 'homeopath', since the simile wouldn't hold in the latter case).

The Correspondence Theory of Truth (derived from Aristotle) is introduced first:

It tells you that a statement is true if it corresponds with the facts.

For example: "grass is green" is true if, and only if, grass is green. The problem with this is that it's really only saying grass is green if grass is green (something is true if it's true) which is a little pointless. The Coherence Theory, on the other hand, states

a proposition is true insofar as it can be fitted into a coherent, consistent body of other propositions.

These theories are not mutually exclusive though, but can be seen as complementary.

Interestingly, the program points out that if you doubt whether we can arrive at the truth (like the newage brigade) then you are a skeptic (in the pure sense of the word of course). So this seems to mean that all alternatistas are skeptics, and skeptics believe in woo. Frightening stuff.

The Social Constructivist Theory of Science has evolved from these theories of truth, peppered by postmodernism, where nothing is objective and any theory is as good as any other theory. This is the form of 'truth' that is popular with alternatistas and believers in all sorts of fictional constructs (like vibrational energy medicine, for example). The commentator on this attack on science states:

The basic point is that it's a kind of a relativism and a skepticism which suggests that you can't pretend that some theories have intellectual merits over others. That's what it comes down to and I think it's a very destructive, pernicious business. [...] The Social Constructivists took off from [Thomas] Kuhn's work and went beyond it to a ludicrous degree where they, for their part, want to deny there's a rational, cognitive intellectual element.

Teaching, as a result is seen as propaganda only, and a pointless exercise since any one theory is just as good as another (EoR won't mention Unintelligent Design, since that doesn't even qualify as a theory). Such an approach is described as both intellectually offensive and dangerous, or

Affirmative action for bullshit.

As the program points out, if all theories are equally good (ESP and astrology get mentioned specifically, but the remit is far larger) then that way lies madness. If everyone's beliefs are equally valid, how can anyone set themselves up as a teacher? Socrates is mentioned: his argument goes along the following lines. If everyone's beliefs are true, and most people (almost universally) believe that relativism is false, then the relativists must concede that their doctrine is false. Hence it refutes itself. Or at least disappears up its own fundament in some form of Möbius loop.

The two forms of skepticism bequethed to us by the Greeks are described: that nothing can be known for certain; and that, since that last statement can't be known for certain, you can only remain in a state of doubt. As the commentator points out, there were many schools of skepticism in Greece, and it may just be that we don't know for certain that nothing can be known for certain. Thus it would seem that the alternatistas are the true skeptical heirs. Of course, EoR doesn't think anyone could really live their lives as fundamentalist skeptics of such an ilk, since they would have to believe some things. Is this food okay to eat? Should I cross the road now or will that truck hit me? A skeptic who believes that nothing is certain and nothing can be known would be standing eternally at the roadside, finding it impossible to make a decision whether to cross or not.

Michel Foucault's approach to truth (that there are no facts, only interpretations) is introduced. By this interpretation, science functions by assessing what works in the physical world.

Nietzsche, on the other hand, is much more extreme, arguing that all truths are individual, and that the truth arises from the struggle for power. EoR wonders how the readers of Nova would feel knowing that their approach to truth seems to most closely parallel the creator of the übermensch?

Of course, maybe nothing said in the program is true.

The whole program is half an hour, and available to listen online or for download.

A Socratic Interlude

EoR recently had a visit from a troll called anonymous to one of his very ancient postings (about water having a memory) who concluded its comment:

Personally I don't find it difficult - not one bit - to repeat after Socrates: I only know that I know nothing". Indeed, I find it liberating.

Try it some time.
You might like it.

This example of quote mining is an interesting variation on the Galileo Gambit, so beloved of the alternatistas, using Socrates to prove that ignorance is a desirable state. EoR, unlike anonymous, would never presume to compare himself to Socrates.

To put that statement into context: Socrates^* is presenting his defence against charges of heresy and corrupting the young of Athens.

Accordingly I went to one who had the reputation of wisdom, and observed to him -- his name I need not mention; he was a politician whom I selected for examination -- and the result was as follows: When I began to talk with him, I could not help thinking that he was not really wise, although he was thought wise by many, and wiser still by himself; and I went and tried to explain to him that he thought himself wise, but was not really wise; and the consequence was that he hated me, and his enmity was shared by several who were present and heard me. So I left him, saying to myself, as I went away: Well, although I do not suppose that either of us knows anything really beautiful and good, I am better off than he is -- for he knows nothing, and thinks that he knows. I neither know nor think that I know. In this latter particular, then, I seem to have slightly the advantage of him.

So Socrates was not claiming that ignorance was good - he was merely taking his own ignorance as a starting point to elucidate knowledge and to remove that ignorance. Socrates was never supporting ignorance as a desirable state. Indeed, throughout the Dialogues, Socrates is openly satirical towards those who already claim to 'know'.

Later in the Apology he says

And therefore if you let me go now, and reject the counsels of Anytus, who said that if I were not put to death I ought not to have been prosecuted, and that if I escape now, your sons will all be utterly ruined by listening to my words -- if you say to me, Socrates, this time we will not mind Anytus, and will let you off, but upon one condition, that you are not to inquire and speculate in this way any more, and that if you are caught doing this again you shall die; -- if this was the condition on which you let me go, I should reply: Men of Athens, I honor and love you; but I shall obey God rather than you, and while I have life and strength I shall never cease from the practice and teaching of philosophy

and, more famously,

the greatest good of man is daily to converse about virtue, and all that concerning which you hear me examining myself and others, and that the life which is unexamined is not worth living

Or, as Bertrand Russell puts it in "A History of Western Philosophy":

The Platonic Socrates consistently maintains that he knows nothing, and is only wiser than others in knowing that he knows nothing; but he does not think knowledge unobtainable. On the contrary, he thinks the search for knowledge of the utmost importance.

After being condemned to death, Socrates sees this as desirable, since he will be able to continue his questions for eternity:

Above all, I shall be able to continue my search into true and false knowledge; as in this world, so also in that; I shall find out who is wise, and who pretends to be wise, and is not.

So, yes, EoR does support the stance of Socrates to separate the wise from those who only think or pretend they are wise, to differentiate false from true knowledge, and to continually ask questions rather than accept absurd claims. Oh, and to continue to state that Socrates would have loved making fun of the newage mob.

^* Of course, it is erroneous to state Socrates said this (or anything else) since he left no writings. Most of what we have about him is by Plato, who knew Socrates, but who uses him as a character in his works. Xenophon also wrote some works about Socrates, and there is a satirical reference in Aristophanes. Whether any, all or none of these is factual is conjecture.

Measles? Why Worry?

Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi (Amma to her friends) recently concluded an Australian tour, bringing her message of peace and love to the crowds. EoR didn't attend, nor did he go through every page on her website(s), but she appears to be the harmless guru type that Western yuppies love, preaching, for example:

Family life is not meant to take us away from God, but to bring us closer to Him. Use it for that purpose, children, without worrying unnecessarily.

Unfortunately, it appears that there was another presence during those meetings other than the devotees and the spirit of god(dess). Seven people (six children and one adult) have been infected with measles. None of the infected was immunised (source: West Australian newspaper, 22nd April 2006).

Amma has made available the Measles Information Sheet from the Department of Health via her Australian website. This includes the shocking advice that

Homeopathic remedies do not provide protection against measles.

Participants in the meetings who are not immunised are also urged to seek vaccination urgently.

EoR is not suggesting that Amma is part of the antivacc brigade (a cursory search of her websites revealed nothing about vaccines or vaccination), but it appears clear that the people attracted to her meetings overlap to a large extent with those for whom vaccination is an evil conspiracy to steal their souls. It's also a good example of what happens when herd immunity is reduced. Instead of having a few unvaccinated individuals within a population that is largely vaccinated, and thus relying on the immunity of the majority to protect them, the meeting appears to have changed those numbers around, allowing the measles virus to opportunistically infect a group of people.

The Only Diagnostic Machine You'll Ever Need

EoR loves magic woo machines, like the Quantum (QXCI) Energy Scan.

This machine has it all:

State of the art computerized health assessment ‘biofeedback - bridging the gap between science and complementary therapies’

That would be the logic gap then? Or perhaps the evidence gap?

This technology is known as the Quantum Xrroid Consciousness Interface (QXCI) or the Quantum Energy Scan.

"Xrroid"? Any relation to haemmorhoids?

The "functioning" of this device is also highly illogical and confused:

There are over 7,500 items programmed into the Quantum as frequencies. Each person will have a greater or lesser reaction to these frequencies depending on their own unique energy field at the time. The reaction to frequencies is assessed by the person’s unconscious not the computer or the practitioner - a skilled practitioner needs to determine why the person reacted to a particular item.

Quite apart from the woo gibberish about "frequencies" (these people wouldn't know a frequency from a wavelength) it seems the computer is not even needed, since "the person's unconscious" assesses the results. Though why the patient has to be unconscious at the time is anybody's guess. And even though a practitioner is not needed a practitioner is needed to assess the results. That statement sort of disappears in a puff of logically fallacious smoke.

An example of some of the7,500 items included in the test are foods, vitamins and minerals, viruses, bacteria, toxins, fungi, parasites, chemicals, hormones and dental materials

Ah, 'toxins'... EoR is willing to bet that it always detects 'toxins'. It also highlights "more subtle warning signals", presumably including things like wonky auras.

It is not easy to explain how such technology works - especially if you are not a quantum physicist!

Which these people clearly are not. EoR bets they've never even been near a high energy particle collider.

The Health & Longevity Journal in the UK explains it like this: "The basis of the QXCI technology is the transmission of 65 million tiny electro-magnetic signals into the body, many times per second. These pulses help map the body and its organs and reveal anomalies within the body. The signals feedback to the QXCI machine and without the patient even being aware of any effect or sensation, the machine calculates a mathematical model based on the voltage, amperage and resistance of the body." [...] As an electronic feedback device the Quantum is also able to deliver energetic therapy for pain, detoxification, allergies and trauma (both physical and emotional). It can stimulate immune function, destroy pathogens and help detoxify free radicals with the use of its inbuilt supportive therapies which help facilitate healing functions.

"Inbuilt supportive therapies"! Precisely what therapies? How are they inbuilt? EoR suspects a few diodes and capacitors and maybe, just maybe, in the high end model, a transistor. Maybe even with connecting wires. It isn't really clear in the single picture, but it looks like the usual marvellous small plastic box with a couple of leads and what EoR suspects might be a homeopathic bottle placed in a receptacle (or could it be bottled subtle energy?), as well as a headband and some ankle and heel straps. Very impressive. EoR bets the electronics inside might even fill a tenth of the available space.

The Quantum device electronically challenges the body with a fractal (the mathematical equivalent of a shape or image) of biologically active compounds. These compounds include such items as medicines, vitamins, pathogens and homoeopathics. The reactivity of the individual is measured using Fourier mathematics.

EoR used to have nightmares about being challenged by fractals. Horrible slavering things. Seriously, this isn't even bad science fiction. Someone's just written out all the quantum/alternative therapy words they can think of on separate bits of paper, thrown them in the air, and copied out whatever the runes told them.

The Quantum is also able to use this non-linear analysis to develop multi signals for deep tissue interface.

There follows a brief explanation of resonance (a child on a swing [not resonance at all - that's frequency!], an opera singer shattering a glass). Shouldn't this machine increase the illnesses and ailments of the patient if it's resonating at all the bad "frequencies"? Could the patient's body potentially shatter like the glass if a particularly evil Stress Toxin Frequency is resonated too strongly? Shouldn't there be a health warning on this machine? Something like "Use of this device may potentially damage your brain cells"? Or, as the blurb has it,

Since the ionic exchanges of reaction take place in the body at speeds in the centisec range our computer can easily interact to measure the energetic components of the body. Then with a feedback loop, the computer can auto-focus treatment.

Apart from the fact that that statment means absolutely nothing that could be construed in any sense as logical, possible, scientific or intelligent, anyone who's experienced feedback will know it's a wild rollercoaster ride as frequencies spill out of control. It can also lead to damaged electronic components, let alone blasted and withered body organs. Of course, that would only be if this machine actually worked or did anything.

The computer is calibrated through a cybernetic feedback loop via the harness to allow testing to reach at least 85% accuracy. This has to be established in order to do the test. The test takes about four minutes during which time the client is relaxed and still and the therapies [sic] leaves the room.

85% accuracy? With 7,500 items to be tested, that means that potentially 1,125 possible health issues are being missed! Furthermore, if the test takes 4 minutes and, as stated earlier, 65,000,000 pulses are involved in the test, that's a frequency rate of 270kHz. Better known to the rest of us as radio waves.

Like the best alternative therapies

The Quantum can stimulate the body’s own natural healing powers enabling a more curative outcome on all three levels - physical, mental and emotional.

But probably not financial.

It's Bach Jim, But Not As We Know It

The Bach family was famous for producing musicians, well before the most famous of them came along. EoR is referring to the composer of the six suites for unaccompanied cello by, of course, Anna Magdalena Bach. Perhaps you mistakenly thought they were by Johann Sebastian, but not according to Martin Jarvis.

A Darwin music expert has cast doubt on whether Johann Sebastian Bach wrote some of his most famous work. The conductor of Darwin's Symphony Orchestra, Martin Jarvis, has been researching Bach's cello suites and believes they were actually composed by the German musician's second wife, Anna Magdalena. She was a student of Bach's in 1714 and married him in 1721. They had 13 children. Mr Jarvis has told ABC Radio if Magdalena did compose some of the music she would never have been credited for the work.

The full interview (just over three minutes) can be listened to online, and provides a few more details, which make the startling headline "Bach's wife wrote works, expert says" not quite as shocking as it seems. Mr Jarvis states

It doesn't sound musically mature, it sounds like an exercise.

Much of Bach's works were, indeed, exercises (the most famous being The Well-Tempered Clavier) and almost everything Bach wrote were commissions produced to order. Whether the cello suites were exercises or not does not necessarily correlate to the quality of the music. It is true, however, that the reason the cello suites were written is unknown, and that they do not scale the heights of the solo violin sonatas (though they are not easy pieces).

Mr Jarvis has used handwriting analysis of the original manuscripts and detected Anna Magdalen'a handwriting in

places where it shouldn't have been.

So whether this all means Anna Magdalena composed some, or all, of the music (or whether she just helped out with the manuscripts) is still an open question in EoR's mind. Mr Jarvis will be presenting his research this weekend at a forum in Darwin.

If, however, Anna Magdalena was the uncredited composer, EoR stands in admiration of her. Running the Bach household, taking time to have thirteen children, and composing great music!

Slender Evidence for Woo Machine

Apparently people can claim that they talk to animals and that the animals talk back to them (for money), that they talk to the dead and the dead talk back to them (for money), that water that was once in touch with a single molecule of another substance can heal (for money), that holes in your aura can be repaired (for money) etc etc (you know the routine) with impunity.

EoR was surprised, therefore, to discover that claiming a product could

• tone and firm any part of the body with no effort by the user


• provide the user with the benefit of a workout without exercise


• reduce the user's weight


• reduce the user's body measurements by an inch or more


• give the user, in 40 minutes per day, the equivalent of 300 general exercises


• flatten the user's stomach without effort, and


• eliminate or conquer cellulite

were not supported by evidence and contravened the consumer protection provisions of the Trade Practices Act 1974.

At least, this is the view of the Australian Federal Court, which has heard a case brought by the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission against Slendertone. Nonetheless, the penalty imposed is, in EoR's opinion, only slightly better than being spanked with a damp cabbage leaf:

Justice Nicholson also made orders against Slendertone and EOD restraining them and Mr O'Donoghue from making similar claims in the future; for Mr O'Donoghue to attend a trade practices law compliance seminar; for the companies to publish corrective notices in the Women's Health and Ultrafit magazines, two prominent newspapers and its website to inform the public of the court's decision and to pay the ACCC's costs.

Certainly, Slendertone now appears to have effectively been put out of business (though it appears it was a one man operation) and Slendertone's Australian website now seems to consist of a single page with the ordered corrective notice. Of course, this doesn't seem to stop other Australian sites promoting the exact same devices, nor sites overseas, including the international domain slendertone.com.

The desperate and the gullible will still be well served by these purveyors of scam machines (for money).

A Soft Touch

'Natural' Horsemanship is a trendy marketing scheme these days. Repackage various ideas about horse training, give it a catchy name ("Savvy', "Join Up", "Bonding") and sell all sorts of merchandise and seminars to the public. But such ideas seem quite sane and straightforward compared to the aptly named Soft Touch Quantum Horsemanship which contains enlightenment such as (standard EoR warning: alternatistas may be in touch with the Universal Goddesshood Auric Vibrational Energy Centres, but know nothing about website design):

This is only for those --who are ready for the 'transition' into the outer realm of the Universal Knowledge, the Cosmic Intelligence that we know and accept as Our Divine God. The energy of intuitive thought can not be traced or defined --not seen or heard with the human mind. THE power of intuitive thought or pure knowledge is only absorbed electrically --by
grids --and waves of loving energy -absorbed in/by our 'aura' that emits our reflective energy, or aura. It is captured only --in a millisecond --heard only by our 'spirit' when open to and shared with the 'ALL Spirit' for definition and interpretation --by the center of our beings --our ethereal energy capsules (atoms) --that contain our knowledge center --the essence, breath, or 'energy' of life Itself.

As opposed to instructors who believe how you sit on a horse affects the horse's balance and way of going, this mad woman has discovered

LEARNING TO RIDE: --should make and keep you --aware of your horse, not your self or your 'position'.

Of course, real horse training is just plain wrong. You don't train horses. You train the people.

Horses do not change, people do! The horse remembers who they are, and they long to be appreciated for who they are. We can learn to not change them, but to simply work with them for a shared purpose. But first, we must understand them. [STQH NATURAL= un-effected by human interference OR expectation! Not trained or altered by humans!]

It's not just in this dimension that her amazing skills apply

MULTI-FACETED! MULTI-DISCIPLINARY! MULTI-DIMENSIONAL! MULTI-PURPOSE!

But this website doesn't just skim the surface of horse training issues. No, it plummets deeply into the madness and paranoia of the truly committed newager:

Doctors are not trained to get to the cause issues. They treat!

As suspected, for years, additives placed in our food, have been causing a multitude of problems in human behavior. Observe the learning scale within the school systems, in behavior -acted out, and in the rate of juvenile delinquency. Of course, this leads to elevating crime. Let's not forget the MASTER PLAN of BIG BUSINESS! [...] NOTE: Fluoride is a poison. What is chlorine? Look them up for yourself! Our government has no other way to get rid of this chemical/factory waste, other than to dilute this garbage into our water system, so our human kidneys can filter and eliminate this poison.

And just what does this phrase actually mean?

Work toward the energy expansion for both horse and the self -to accept the infinite connection.

Sadly, that's just scratching the surface of this very deeply disturbing woman's ravings.

Science Meets Woo. Woo Wins. Part Two.

Becca Green (BSc Veterinary Biology) runs the delightful Cherished Creatures website.

EoR is fascinated by how someone who has completed three years of a five year veterinary degree (students who can't cope with the full course can leave after three years and claim the BSc Veterinary Biology title) can offer such advice as:

Flower essences have been used since the 1930s when Dr Bach discovered that flowers have individual energies. These can be used to remedy various negative emotional states. As with all living things flowers contain vibrational energy, which can be transferred to water. Crystal and flower elixirs assist healing on all levels, from spiritual to physical, mental and emotional. They have the ability to realign the body’s energy fields and restore balance. Bringing the body back to balance can aid many physical or mental states. [...] There are hundreds of different crystals from all corners of the globe, which all in their unique way have healing properties. Crystals have connections to specific body parts and can be used either directly on that area or internally as an elixir.

EoR doesn't know where to start, there's so much unproven wishful thinking in that paragraph. "Flowers have individual energies" to begin with. How? Where? What "energies"? How are they "individual"? Someone who has studied science should know better than to make a patently absurd and sweeping statement like that, but then to go on to assert boldly the unproven claim that these unspecified "energies" can be "transferred to water" takes it to a higher level of fantasy. And then she brings in the crystals... And "levels" of healing... And "energy fields" (aka auras)... EoR is screaming in agony by this stage. Maybe he needs emergency Crystal Spiritual Energy Field Healing.

EoR suspects the real reason for the "calming" essences is the brandy they're mixed in. As Ms Green admits

After studying four years of Veterinary Medicine, I decided there is something else out there besides conventional medicine and chemical medications.

Well, yes. It doesn't mean there's any evidence for it though. Or that it works. Or that it cures anything. EoR is surprised she actually made it through to fourth year. If you trust in the scientific efficacy of such beliefs, then products such as these are obviously for you:

Floating Fear: For the difficult to load horse. Includes essences from calamity calmer to decrease the anxiety of floating [for international readers floating = boxing or trailering]. Also includes Smokey Quartz for grounding and unnecessary fear. [...] Geriatric Guider: For the older companions who suffer sleeplessness and restlessness. Amethyst and Carnelian to remove fear of death, assist grounding restless nights, and Citrine for comforting degenerative disease. [...] Flea Frightener: Available in spray can be used after a bath and on bedding to frighten off fleas.

Of course, EoR may be approaching this in entirely the wrong direction, expecting the purveyor of these powerful potions to believe in their efficacy. The single purpose of this enterprise could just be to make money. In which case all the claims are potent indeed.

PS: Ms Green, no matter how cute you think pictures of cute kittens frolicking in flowers are, 500KB images on web pages are simply excessive and over the top. Oh, hang on, that describes the whole site...

Science Meets Woo. Woo Wins.

EoR is always pleased to advance his knowledge and, in order to do so, he feels it is always best to seek the advice of those qualified to do so (rather than self-educated, tripping hippy types). The West Boulevard Veterinary Clinic therefore warmed the cockles of his heart, with its scientific approach to acupuncture, homeopathy and chiropracty.

He was, for example, fascinated to learn that

It is said that veterinary acupuncture was first discovered when lame battle horses were found to become sound after being hit by arrows at distinct points.

EoR had never heard this theory of origins before, but it makes him wonder why vets don't just shoot arrows at horses today. He guarantees that any lame horse, shot with arrows, would suddenly suddenly become sound and race off. There may, however, be a certain attrition rate.

There is evidence that veterinarians practiced acupuncture during the Zang and Chow Dynasties around 2000-3000 BCE.

Ah yes, 'evidence'. EoR wonders which veterinary school the Ancient Chinese Woo Vets graduated from.

The placement of needles causes very little, if any, discomfort. Once situated they are painless. During a treatment most animals become very relaxed, they may become sleepy and yawn.

As EoR feels compelled to point out again, such a reaction is normal behaviour for a relaxed horse, needled or not.

Acupuncture is one of the safest forms of medical treatment for animals when it is administered by a properly trained veterinarian.

It's also pretty safe when administered by untrained individuals, assuming necessary infection controls are maintained. That's the beauty of the placebo effect - anyone can do it (though the effect is usually stronger when a white-coated individual with letters after their name practices it).

Occasionally an animal will appear to be worse for up to 48 hours after treatment and some will be drowsy for up to 24 hours after acupuncture.

So absolutely any reaction is a sign the magic is working? This is such powerful stuff, it's no wonder there's no need for evidence - the results of any studies are already predetermined.

Acupuncture points seem to exist pretty much everywhere on the horse. You can give specific anatomical locations, and even mix them up with magical "wood", "fire" and "ting" descriptions, but they're still imaginary.

Homeopathy, also, is extremely dangerous, playing as it does with hugely 'potentized' medications, and must be approached very cautiously.

In order to be ensure safety and effectiveness, Homeopathy, should be practiced by well trained veterinarians.

EoR would suggest that well trained veterinarians would understand that there is no basis to magic and/or homeopathy. He also disputes that you should take your animal to a vet just to give it a drop of water or a sugar pill. You could do that at home and ensure exactly the same level of "safety and effectiveness".

Fundamental Advice

Filed, appropriately enough, on the 1st of April, the Telegraph gives this advice from a celibate religious leader, bestselling author and jetsetting media star.

On marriage:

Too many people in the West have given up on marriage. They don't understand that it is about developing a mutual admiration of someone, a deep respect and trust and awareness of another human's needs. The new easy-come, easy-go relationships give us more freedom - but less contentment.

On homosexuality:

It is wrong. [...] A gay couple came to see me, seeking my support and blessing. I had to explain our teachings. Another lady introduced another woman as her wife - astonishing. It is the same with a husband and wife using certain sexual practices. Using the other two holes is wrong.

On sex:

[A] friend asked me what harm could there be between consenting adults having oral sex, if they enjoyed it. But the purpose of sex is reproduction[...]. The other holes don't create life.

On abortion:

I see women who have had abortions because they thought a child would ruin their lives. A baby seemed unbearable - yet now they are older, they are unable to conceive. I feel so sorry for them.

In praise of George Bush:

He is very straightforward.

No, it's not a fundie Christian preacher, it's the newage idol and pinup boy, the Dalai Lama. At least he makes the Pope seem laissez faire.

Of course, if you think these attitudes are medieval or worse, it's your own karmically induced fault. You probably did something unspeakable with a wrong hole in a past life.

All together now: "One hole good, three holes baaaaad".

And Now A Message from the Pig Farmer

As some of EoR's more credulous readers might suspect, he is secretly funded by the megaglobalopistic Pig Farmers (at least, that's what he thinks they keep saying - he might have got it a bit confused). As part of this pact with the devil he is forced to recommend certain expensive medications regardless of any efficacy studies that may or may not have been undertaken.

Imagine how relieved he was, then, to find a single medication that could solve all the world's illnesses: fukalthanol eutopiata, the "all purpose lifestyle pharmaceutical".

But will it calm down the antivacc brigade?

Q-Nothing

EoR recently had a muscle cramp in his shoulder when he woke up one morning, which got worse over a few days, and which was so severe that he couldn't turn to look to the right. A number of options presented themselves to him: book an appointment with the doctor and get some drugs, see the bowenist to realign his muscles, have needles inserted in magic points to release the stagnant qi, phone up the distant healer to sort out his aura and chakras, take some magic water to cure just about everything, or a whole plethora of incredible biomachines.

Instead, EoR chose to rest it and get a good night's sleep. Next morning, the pain was gone.

Now, if EoR had undertaken one, or more, of these therapies, he might be inclined to attribute the recovery directly to the therapy. Clealy, however, it was not related to any therapy whatsoever. So why is EoR's anecdote about an apparent miracle cure worth any less than all the open mouthed testimonials about every alternative cure?

EoR is thinking of starting up a website promoting Restology™ or possible Q-Nothing^® (as in quantum nothing) where he will spend time discussing the woes and worries of the afflicted, and then charge them large amounts of money for sending Healing Rest-Waves or Q-Enhanced Energetic Nothing Particles to mend them. There's probably a fortune in it.

32nd Skeptics' Circle

There's poo flying in all directions at the 32nd Skeptics' Circle as a mysterious device that first surfaced in the spare parts section of the BBC Special Effects Department is rediscovered.

I Talk to the Trees, That's Why They Put Me Away

EoR has previously considered the miracle of pranic healing, but enjoyed an article he found on the Living Now website entitled PRANIC HEALING: Does a No-Touch System Really Work? (gentle reader, can you guess what the answer is before reading further?).

EoR wonders why we bother with doctors at all. Pranic healing is definitely the way to go. Never mind years of study. Or even weeks to become a bowen therapist. Or a week to become a reikiist.

I learned about specific techniques which can correct the imbalances that cause symptoms of disease. There were additional benefits: some dormant clairvoyant, clairaudient and healing abilities were awakened during the two-day course! [...] I was even more impressed when, after the first day's instruction, most of the participants, with no previous training in health care, went home and treated successfully ailing members of their families. Most of them reported that symptoms of musculo-skeletal pain subsided instantly.

And never mind prohibitively expensive hospitals, diagnostic equipment, or even overpriced drugs:

It was demonstrated how we can recharge ourselves by standing beneath a tree and asking its permission to partake of some of its vital, reinvigorating energy. It is important to ask permission of the tree and afterwards to thank it. If this permission is not requested and the tree is 'assaulted' in this manner, then it eventually dies from having absorbed sick energies of people.

As opposed to what happens when the tree absorbs "sick energies" of people when it's asked nicely.

This is repeatable, testable, provable, and not just claims of magic:

Pranic healing is a system which makes instant healing possible for certain conditions. I would like to share a personal experience about this. While cutting a chestnut, the knife slipped and my finger had a deep gash. I asked our son to use the techniques for the instant healing of wounds, so that we could test if the system really worked. It did. The wound stopped bleeding instantly and the skin healed over completely within a few minutes.

And EoR thought stuff like that just happened in the movies.

EoR Becomes Confused

The April 2006 issue of Living Now offers "Tips to nurture your qi while working in the modern world".

Tip one is washing your hands to remove "perverse energy", ensuring the water covers the "important acupuncture points" on the wrist so that "toxic energy from the qi body" can be excreted. It is also helpful to ensure your are "breathing out the perverse energy down the arm". EoR dreads to think what would happen if you breathed in the other direction. You should probably also consult Emoto-san before disposing of the tainted water.

Tip two is to have a bath. This will "revive the qi body" and "flush toxic energies". Having a bath also "allows an expansion of the mental faculties".

Tip three is the most powerful tip and involves "developing the centres of energy above the head." At first, EoR thought the author was referring to overhead powerlines, but the requirement to "build the ability to function a kind of energetic muscle" had him thoroughly confused.

After all that confusion, it was good to find a sensible article written by a BA Dip Health, entitled "How intelligent is your food?"

Food contains intelligence. A food's intelligence can be loosely translated as nutritional value although it also includes the quality, freshness and degree of life of the food. [...] By consuming the food we also absorb that protecting intelligence thus contributing to the health of our physiology. [...] One of the dangers of genetically modified food is that it confuses the body. Our bodies have evolved with the food we eat over thousands and thousands of years. When it comes down to a new type of food such as an apple spliced with a fish gene, it cannot properly digest and assimilate it. The alien substance remains in the body and creates havoc with the system. Instead of providing intelligence it provides confusion.

This must also mean never eat fish and apples in the same meal since, once chewed and broken down by gastric juices, all those apple genes and all those fish genes will be swilling around together, intelligently confusing the poor old digestive system hopelessly.

EoR suggests it would be best just to eat an apple and wait a few days to ensure it has been thoroughly digested. Then eat a fish. And so on.