Friday, May 25, 2007


Helen Frost's weekly half hour of nonscience on the radio becomes increasingly surreal. EoR expects that one day soon she'll just break down, and admit that the whole thing has been a vast practical joke. Or maybe not.

This week, she objected to being introduced as a "nutritionist educator". The correct term she requested was "nutrition educator". Only a subtle difference, one would think, except that a nutritionist who educates implies some sort of qualification, as opposed to a person who educates about nutrition.

A female caller congratulated Ms Frost on a statement she made at one of her seminars: she wishes doctors wouldn't just give medication but helped people to find a solution to their problems. Obviously, medication, when indicated, is not a solution. The woman complained that her neurologist just wants to put her on drugs. She much prefers the homeopath. One treatment from her homeopath cured a "lifelong" eye problem that the doctor had given her drops for. EoR is willing to bet that the homeopath "prescribed" drops for her as well, but at least these would have been magic drops.

Yet again Ms Frost reiterated her statement that certain foods have no nutritive value. "You cannot build live body parts out of dead junky food. You can't do it!" she stated forcefully. In fact, you need to eat "as close to out of the ground as possible". EoR imagines you need to crawl around the vegetable patch on your hands and knees carefully munching at the cabbages and nibbling the tomatoes.

Yet, all this was just the standard madness she provides every week. She finished by singing The Poo Fairy Song (which helps to get the poo through, she assured us). Sadly, EoR was so shocked and surprised he didn't get it all, but this is a sample (to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star):

Fibre give my bowel a brush
Sugar and fats make sticky poo
When you do a number two
If your poos are hard and smelly
Get more water in your belly
Water give my bowel a brush
Soft and comfortable every day
Your body is better in every way

If you go to her frequently mentioned seminars, everyone gets to sing it together. Oh, joy.

EoR wishes he was making all this up. He isn't. It's as silly as a bumfull of Smarties.

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