The Foggy Faeces Of Fantasy

EoR's favourite nutritionist (more correctly, media commentater on nutrition), Helen Frost appears again in the 1st May 2007 Mind&Body supplement, on the subject of "Boost your mood".

Can foods and complementary therapies boost your spirits? The experts say yes.

The "experts" are Ms Frost, and a naturopath from Sydney, as well as a couple of pieces of carefully selected research (one "found people with a diet low in fish oil are also more likely to suffer mood disorders, cardiac problems and other health conditions", and another found yoga and breathing exercises for elderly people "has a 'markedly invigorating' effect on their mental and physical energy and increased their positive moods").

Ms Frost provides the strangest claims, as usual:

Ms Frost estimates that up to 85 per cent of the population is dehydrated and that a lack of adequate water causes brain 'fogginess'.

"Estimates"? How? What method of measurement did she use? What sample size? "Up to 85%"? Was the "estimated" figure lower? In what circumstances? And what, pray tell, is brain "fogginess"? Is this one of the magical altie diseases that western medicine refuses to acknowledge (because magical made-up diseases are so much easier to cure with magical made-up methods than real diseases?).

Ms Frost urges us to drink some freshly squeezed lemon juice in warm water every morning in order to "alkalise" the body. EoR hates to think what will happen when his stomach alkalises.

Ms Frost also proudly displays her chemical knowledge (though EoR suspects she would spit on the "C" word):

The key to a good mood-boosting breakfast, according to Ms Frost is protein. Protein contains an essential amino acid called tryptophan.

All proteins?

Sadly, Ms Frost doesn't grasp this opportunity to also display her indepth knowledge of faeces. For that EoR has to turn to the back page and Dr Charmaine Saunders' dream analysis column. One reader laments:

I often dream that I see big heaps of faeces around me and everyone in the dream does not seem to mind it but me.

What's the problem? This is altieland! Pooh is good! The more the better! As Dr Saunders confirms:

You'll be amazed to hear that one meaning for faeces in a dream is money.

Given all the colonic cleansers out there, EoR is not amazed. Not one bit.