Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Take Some Woo. Mix Thoroughly. Sell.

EoR has discovered AcuEnergetics, the wooist's woo. It's like every altie idea about the body and health has been mixed up together to make some strange new synthesis of ultimate woo, and it makes EoR proud how well Australia is progressing at developing new and weirder woos.

AcuEnergetics® non invasive healing technique allows practitioners to accurately treat clients by opening their energetic channels and removing blockages, allowing the body to heal itself. These blockages can be held in the meridians, strange flows, chakras, pranic fields or canals that link the meridians to the chakras. AcuEnergetics® students train to be able to feel and balance these energetic streams.

While EoR doesn't know what "strange flows" are (but he has a terrible fear it might be related to "strange attractors") he is delighted to learn that all the magical energy flows of different philosophies (meridians, chakras, prana) are all linked by "canals". EoR wonders what these canals are? Are they like Lowell's Martian canals? Do they have as much substance and evidentiary support?

This is a powerful healing modality (that's like a woo cliche of course, since all woo is a powerful healing modality according to the advertising - in fact, EoR suspects that it's mandatory to make such claims before you're accepted by the woo community):

Many of these successful treatments have left doctors, physios, acupuncturists and chiropractors baffled.

Look! It baffles real medicos as well as fake ones. Though they're probably just shaking their heads, saying "I'm baffled how someone could believe all this".

If you feel like having your brain melted, there are various illogical rants on the site, such as this one:

To simplify matters even further, in the 16th century we gave God and other troublesome concepts like witches and miracle healings to the church, and opted for a Skinnerian world that was highly determined by the principle of wysiwyg or "what you see is what you get".

Ah yes, B F Skinner, that famous 16th century behaviourist... And EoR remembers with some fondness those early handcarved pedal-driven 16th century word processors... Bypassing some quantum woo, we come to:

Why aren't meridians in the standard physiology and anatomy standard texts? This is perhaps our most blatant use of the "not made here" syndrome. 4,000 years of oriental medical research appears to mean little compared to the fact that it doesn't fit in with the western approach.

No, it doesn't fit in with the fact that there's no evidence for it. None. Zero. Nada. Apart from in fiction.

When utilising such powerful, all-reaching therapies, it's always important that you pay attention to Energetic Protection.

There is a common point of view that when you work with energy you need to protect yourself from picking up the out of balance vibrations from the client. These are either emotional or mental energies that you are clearing away from the clients field or a particular vibration of illness such as a sore hip or headache that the client has and that you move for the client, only to pick up yourself. There is no doubt that this hap-pens - only why it happens and how to prevent it. The usual prevention strategy is to build an energy wall/sphere around yourself - such as a wall of gold or white light. (Please note that the the construction of spheres has the same problems as a wall.) The idea is that the bad vibrations can't penetrate the wall. In fact the wall idea is something that contributes to the problem.

Unfortunately, Mr Farrow doesn't really explain the wall building problems. Is it the trouble getting a tradesman out? Mixing the cement correctly? Or some strange attack on the quantum-vibrational plane by the FSM?

Be hollow like the proverbial flute and you will never pick up anything except the sounds of your inner harmony.

Have a completely empty head, and you will never be troubled by the annoying sounds of the logic bell ringing loudly.

Strangely, after spending so much time telling us that Western medical science is a failure, and doesn't take into account all these magical healing energies, Mr Farrow admits shamefacedly

If you are attending for a chronic health problem, it is advised that you understand what this is before you come. If you turned up with intestinal pains which you have had for a month and for which you have not sought a western medical diagnosis, the AcuEnergetics practitioner will send you to a doctor tests. While we work specifically with the energetic field, channels and chakras of the body, we do not underestimate the value of western diagnosis.

Of course not. The Western science is for the cure, the AcuEnergetics is for the cash flow.

And finally: you might also wonder why the man who has this immense amount of knowledge and power in the esoteric healing arts feels it necessary to also sell cosmetics from AcuEnergetics HQ and his book on skin care.

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