Quantum Healing Therapies

We all know how easy it is to heal people. You only need a little magic machine that sends quantum healing waves into the ether where they'll wander around for a while, and then gently drop on the dis-eased one. Better healers do it quantumly without any equipment at all, merely using the mysterious and undefined "intention".

The reality of generating quantum energies is far more impressive, and unlikely to be seen at your local SCIO healer's office, or being transported by your friendly reikiist. It's also far more impressive when it goes wrong.

A £2 billion project to answer some of the biggest mysteries of the universe has been delayed by months after scientists building it made basic errors in their mathematical calculations. The mistakes led to an explosion deep in the tunnel at the Cern particle accelerator complex near Geneva in Switzerland. It lifted a 20-ton magnet off its mountings, filling a tunnel with helium gas and forcing an evacuation. [...] Dr Lyn Evans, who leads the accelerator construction project at Cern, the European organisation for nuclear research, said the explosion had been potentially very dangerous. "There was a hell of a bang, the tunnel housing the machine filled with helium and dust and we had to call in the fire brigade to evacuate the place," he said.

Of course, if you have some quack in your locale practicing "quantum healing", you might like to contact your council and point out the potential dangers. You wouldn't want something like that exploding in your backyard.