Thursday, December 16, 2010

Why Andrew Bolt is so gay

The sky is falling! We're all doomed to slide down the slippery slope of faulty logic to an incestuous fate!!

According to psychic Andrew Bolt ("Two years ago I warned") the result of allowing godless gays to marry will not only destroy our wonderful conservative, capitalist, Bible-sanctioned lifestyle, but next thing you know, incest will be legal!!! Before you know it men will be kissing. In public!

This is obvious, since Switzerland already has registered partnerships which — as if you couldn't guess — are supported by the Green Party of Switzerland. Being one of Australia's top journalists, Bolt links to a Wikipedia entry. Knowing his audience, he's probably certain none of them will even go there and read the article, which shows that, regardless of his random sniping at the Greens, the Swiss partnerships are far from the same as marriage, and 58% of the Swiss people approved the change. But the evil Greens want full marriage equivalence!

But now the Swiss government has drafted laws decriminalising sex between consenting family members (Bolt is more nuanced here, linking to the rightwing Telegraph). If Bolt's Believers follow the link, they'd see that the law relates to adults only. Whether you consider sex between related individuals right or wrong, it's not about all family members:

Switzerland, which recently held a referendum passing a draconian law that will boot out foreigners convicted of committing the smallest of crimes, insists that children within families will continue to be protected by laws governing abuse and paedophilia.

If the left commie pinko green unionists are running the political agenda, how did that draconian law get through? The article also notes that there have only been three cases of incest since 1984.

But what about China, France, Israel, the Ivory Coast, the Netherlands, Russia, Spain and Turkey? All countries which have no prohibitions on "consensual incest between adults". Why does Bolt single out a possible new law in Switzerland and ignore all these countries which already allow consensual incest?

Bolt also fails to explain why his argument that allowing gay marriage will lead to incestuous marriage. Switzerland made registered partnerships legal in 2003, but changing the incest law has been around much longer:

In fact, the issue’s popped up periodically since the 1980s. Each time though uproar among the cantons or among the population has derailed the plan.

Perhaps Bolt doesn't believe in democracy?

As always, the best part of Bolt's outrage is the wonderful comments from his literate, well informed (informed by Bolt's posts) readers. The very first comment invokes GOD (yes, in CAPITALS). Nonna, demonstrating that she (?) likes to think through issues and not rely on steretypes, comments

I blame the holes in Swiss cheese and too much jodelling [sic] across the alpine valleys. Maybe the resonating sound of Swiss horns has an effect on the human brain.

Sonnshine says

Hey gay couples, it’s not about you being discriminated against for any reason whatsoever when I say this -it is simply a Christian tradition that says Man and Woman. Been going on since Adam was a boy - you can’t change it to suit yourself.

Actually, all the children of Adam and Eve were related. Talk about rampant incest!

Of course, there's the usual mish-mash of anti-Muslim sentiment as well, mixed in with suicide bombers, 'refugees' (in Boltland there are no real refugees — the word must therefore always be in quotes), and impending Sharia law in Australia (even though that would, presumably, outlaw homosexuality and incest).

Next thing you know, there'll be offspring with two fathers and Conservatives sleeping with the Greens. Now that sort of thing must really scare Bolt.

And please, don't anyone tell him that those evil scientists think incest may actually lower sexual violence.

Or that people have fulminated on exactly where (and where not) to place genitalia for many centuries (readers of a nervous disposition should be advised that the following poem contains strong language):

Oh what damned age do we live in

Oh what damned age do we live in
Since there is no Christian soul
But old Father Patrick and Griffin
Dare put their pricks in the right hole.

Oh, why do we keep such a bustle
'Bout putting a prick in an arse,
Since Harvey's long-cunted muscle
Serves Stuart instead of a tarse.

Since fucking is not as 'twas wont
The ladies have got a new trick:
As an arsehole serves for a cunt.
So a clitoris serves for a prick.

Besides, the damned tailors of France
To Great Britain's defamation
Have made better pintles by chance
Than the gods of the English nation.

But now there's nothing will do,
Their cunts are grown so wide,
Except with a French leather dildo
They get on each other and ride.
        attrib. John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester (1647-1680)

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