Friday, December 03, 2010

Deck the halls with swathes of woo

The latest issue of independent science journal1 Nova includes some timely help with the top eight Feng Shui remedies for Christmas2. Leaving aside the fact that the ancient Chinese apparently had the foresight to develop helpful hints for a Western religious celebration, these may well make your Christmas a joy instead of a trial:

  1. Place metal wind chimes in the south of your house, or hang a metal ball around your door knob, or put six coins or a five element pagoda in a bowl of salted water. "Whichever works best for you". EoR presumes you might get through quite a few Christmas celebrations before you determine which is 'best'.

  2. Put six metal coins, or a Calabash, in the northwest. Well, just because.

  3. Put the colour red in the west. This will stop the 'energy of arguments'. Presumably while your relatives wonder why you've painted everything red, and whether it's safe to remain in the house with you.

  4. Avoid the Christmas rush by making a gift list in November. EoR may have missed something, but he can't quite see what this has to do with feng shui. Nor why Nova have waited until December to publish it.

  5. Budget the spending on your gifts. Yet another feng shui tip that seems remarkably unrelated to feng shui. And which is clearly wrong since The Secret (or The Power (or whatever marketing name they're using this year)) says you can have everything now!

  6. Have a Christmas card list. Because ancient Chinese sages said so, presumably.

  7. Put your Christmas tree in "an area where the family often comes together". So no more placing it in the spare room, or the garage.

  8. "Lastly, look after your 'inner chi'" by exercising and not drinking too much. EoR had never realised feng shui had some helpful lifestyle tips as well.

Bad feng shui Santa

EoR's Advertisement of the Month award this issue goes to the seller of the oxymoronic "New Age Party Plan".

1: Based on the publication of science-based health advice from Dr Dingle.
2: Which rather implies that 'Christmas' is a 'dis-ease' that needs treating. Perhaps it's an imbalance in the gift chakras?

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