Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Flushing Out The Truth Of Altie Remedies

What is it with the whole altie/rectal interface thing? Why are alties so fundamentally fascinated by bowel functions? Pull up a stool why EoR investigates the dark nether regions of alternative health.

While researching some other piece of woo magic, EoR discovered an article by Victoria Bowman, DHM (that's qualification as in "doctorate in homeopathic medicine from the British Institute of Homeopathy"; sort of equivalent to "Master of Magic from Hogwarts") entitled Holistic Rectal Infusions. How could he resist an article with such an inviting title? EoR decided to get to the bottom of the matter.

Ways of ensuring your health include "clyster tablets" (don't you just love the archaic language? - clyster sounds much more technical and comforting than "enema") as detailed in Wobe-Mugos Therapy. Tumor patients are urged to insert the relevant dose of four tablets five times a day. Unsurprisingly, "the typical side effect is anal irritation".

For those with a tablet aversion, there's MSM (Methylsulfonylmethane) for the real anal junkie.

For gastrointestinal distress, MSM may be utilized in colon irrigation prior to a rectal infusion.

There's even a case hx (this must be a scientific site if it uses jargon like that):

CASE HX: While traveling, a 72-year-old male found himself exposed to allergens that caused severe symptoms. Having a limited holistic first aid kit, he decided to utilize MSM rectally in the recommended therapeutic dose. After four doses at 12-hour intervals, he reported being symptom free.

Unlike the alties, EoR prefers not to dwell on the thought of a 72 year old male in some motel room somewhere urgently self-administering the required dosage.

Perhaps Intra-Rectal Nutrient Therapy is more up your alley. This can be applied daily and is also clearly scientific with its various 'phases':

Phase I detoxification utilizes B vitamins to speed up its process and Phase II detoxification utilizes taurine and glutathione. Therefore, not only does this create a nutrient rich system but also it activates the liver's detoxification pathways.

EoR ventures to suggest that someone with a liver that was not detoxifying was in urgent need of serious (real) medical attention. Or dead. Speaking of dead, a therapy that cures cancer, Ozone, comes with its woo claim of efficacy for the backdoor fanatic:

By utilizing either rectal insufflation or colon irrigation with ozone, the detoxification of this primary elimination channel will increase the total overall level of tissue purification.

Whatever that means in the real world. "Tissue purification" anyone?

As Ms Bowman concludes:

It is also time to examine our own attitudes about the bowel, release those that are repressed, and educate our patients to the value that these protocols can offer to health and well being.

EoR urges the anally repressed masses of the world to rise up, and to release the chains that are binding them. A sphincter is haunting Europe. The sphincter of confusion.


  1. "A sphincter is haunting Europe."

    Thank you, EOR, that was hysterical. Now, why aren't alties using this rump route for the really old natural nostrums, such as ancient Cantral and South American habits, IIRC, of rectal administration of psychedelics. All the trip without the bitter taste, and less of the vomiting. (Okay, you psychonauts, I recall that some brews use factors further up the digestive tract...)

    So, if a male shaman connects with his female archetype on such an assid trip, the message he brings back to the village is:

    "The anima of my enema is my friend"

  2. Colonic irrigation
    May be cleansing the nation
    But is rectal infusion
    Just causing more confusion?

    Best - Tony


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