Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The End Is Nigh!

Back in the Golden Age of science fiction (think E E "Doc" Smith - who was a real scientist by the way, with a PhD in food chemistry, unlike most of the self-styled scientists EoR mentions on this blog) readers wanted amazing spaceships, valve-operated gizmos, heroes who could coolly operate a sliderule under enemy fire and planet-busting weapons. Plot, characterisation and subtlety were not required skills. After World War Two this all changed. The wonderful techno devices became less important. Ideas were in. Relationships were in.

Thankfully, science fiction appears to be returning to normal. We don't need logic, explanations, or coherence. Just give us the mindbending ideas. Like those rolled out at The Atlantean Power Crystal.

The Atlanteans were the original discoverers of the powers of quartz crystal. They understood the unique electrical properties of quartz and were able to harness these natural oscillations in ways that we are only beginning to understand today. These crystals were not only used for healing but were also used to store information and energy. They were used to send the human voice and images over long distances just like modern day television. Atlantis was a highly technologically developed civilization that came to a sudden cataclysmic end 12,000 years ago, due to the misuse of these powerful crystals. After spending many hours researching the ancient legends and documents pertaining to the time of Atlantis, Life Technology have rediscovered the secret of The Atlantean Power Crystal. Everything in the universe vibrates and oscillates. Therefore the connecting link between all forms of energy is vibration, sympathetic harmony and resonance. By studying and applying the principles of quantum physics and esoteric science the psychonatical engineers at Life Technology were able to see beyond material matter and into the primary creative forces of nature. Utilising the information from diverse fields such as Radionics, Psionics, Psychotronics, Quantum Physics, Sacred Geometry, Sonics ,music and metaphysics has led to an understanding of how the human mind can interact creatively with the material universe. [...] The Atlantean Power Crystal is created using The Solis Method which was patented By Life Technology. The Solis Method incorporates the toroidal power of implosion, orgone energy, phi harmonics, tensor fields, sonics and ultasonics, visible and invisible light spectrum energy and, most crucially, a unique energy template within the crystalline matrix of The Atlantean Power Crystal.

Now, some might think that $US599.95 for a quartz crystal is excessive. But it's not at all. Where else can you get a rock with a myriad of uses, including:

It emits neutrinos, enabling the correction of intracellular frequencies. It reorients the psychic channels, increasing intuition and psychic perception through the correction of molecular frequencies in the cerebral cortex.
It restores the higher nutritional frequencies of food, making it more nutritious.
It decontaminates the subtle inverted negative energies contained in water, by reconfiguring the subtle intrinsic data field.

"Psychonatical engineers"! That must be one of the world's most dangerous occupations, imploding all that toroidal orgone energy. EoR is very concerned that Life Technology is selling these to anyone who wants one.

The Atlantean Power Crystal was the center of the Atlantean culture. Only the initiated and highly spiritually evolved individuals, that understood the immense intrinsic power, were allowed to work with the crystal .

It's like a nuclear bomb in every home. If the Atlanteans couldn't control the terrible powers in these crystals, how can mere mortals prevent the Invisible Orgonic Phi Woo Vibrations from spiralling out of control and totally destroying our planet? Haven't the guys at Life Technology ever seen the documentary Forbidden Planet? What happens if terrorists get hold of only a single crystal? No one would be safe!


  1. "Utilising the information from diverse fields such as Radionics, Psionics, Psychotronics, Quantum Physics, Sacred Geometry, Sonics..."

    WTF is "sacred geometry"? Oh, I see the crystal "enables centrifugal reorganization of the chakras". Well in that case I want one.

  2. The Solis Method™ incorporates ... tensor fields ...

    I've hardly seen tensor fields (a highly abstract mathematical technique) since 3rd year advanced mathematics. It's nice to see some mathematics getting a run in woo. Naturally it's as meaningful to say a production method incorporates tensor fields as it is to say it incorporates long division, but it is the sort of thing "Doc" Smith would have loved to throw into his novels.


Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.