World Menopause Day – Oct18. Time To Celebrate Or Still In The Red?

How should such a day be recognised? Hysterically, by the burning of rags? But nowadays it heralds a period of such heavy lo$$ you'll flush at the fuss you made on tampon tax and be tempted to insert money instead. Forget spotting feminine hygiene items in the supermarket - you'll be flooded with fish oil, vitamins, minerals, alkaline supplements, hesperidin, soy protein, aniseed, black cohosh, vitex, dong quai, wild yam, Koren ginseng, maca, passionflower, red clover, sarsaparilla, tribulus, liquid zinc and chelation drops at the naturopath-pharmacist-witchdoctor's. And when your purse dries up and you suspect you've been royal-flushed, you'll swing back to your regular protection, the GP. Though ultra-thin on magic, doctors can knock up a super-reliable script that “doesn't address the underlying problem” but absorbs symptoms so bloody well you can depend upon keeping fresh day and night.

Now this life-changing date may have passed unnoticed but for Mind&Body's intimacy with day-of-the-month. So "thank you" to The West Australian newspaper for alerting us to alternative methods of discharging money. The protection may be invisible, may be natural, but you sure cramp as your cash haemorrhages away.